What’s your relationship with your dog like? (Photo: Corgi covered in foam hearts and lipstick stains)
Valentine’s Day may have come and gone, but your relationship with your dog still matters.
Here’s a tough question for you. Have you ever been in a one-sided relationship with a person? How did that make you feel?
Have you ever been the giver in the relationship, only to be unappreciated? You were the kind person, the one who was always calling, always making dinner, always being flexible, always checking in with that person to make sure they were feeling okay. How did you feel when they responded to your attention by ghosting you, breaking plans with you to go out with their friends, and forgetting your birthday?
How did that relationship end?
And what on Earth does this have to do with your relationship with your dog?
Dogs can’t walk away. Fulfill THEIR needs before your own. (Photo: man carrying backpack walking off into the sunset)
Hopefully your relationship with the inconsiderate person is over. Since both of you are human, you both had a choice whether or not to stay in that one-sided relationship.
Your dog has NO CHOICE.
Are you fulfilling his needs? Or is he stuck in a one-sided relationship being the giver and NEVER having his needs met?
What are his needs?
Dogs are pack animals. They need leadership. They crave direction (having someone to tell them what to do and when to do it.) They work in a cooperative group to get the pack’s needs met each day. That’s food, water, shelter, and staying alive.
Dogs are pack animals. To understand your dog, you must understand how they think and what they need. (Photo: wolves out for a walk)
The leader tells the pack when to hunt, when to rest, when to play, when to STOP playing. (Photo: wolves resting on the snow)
Dogs NEED to WORK for food, water, shelter, and their place in the pack. By giving them food, water, unlimited access to toys, your bed, your couch, the great outdoors, and yourself and NEVER HAVING THEM WORK FOR THOSE THINGS, you are setting yourself up for disaster. We’re talking a dog who jumps on you, mouths/bites you (and your children and your guests,) humps your leg, barks at you nonstop, doesn’t listen, and pulls you off your feet when you try to walk him. He also growls at you over his food, every time you walk by him when he has a bone or a toy, and sometimes when you want to sit on what you thought was your couch. It’s his now.
Let’s talk about what needs HE is currently fulfilling for you:
-emotional support
-cuddle buddy
-instagram followers (basically he’s finding you internet friends, fame, or both.)
-soulmate
-grief counsellor
If your dog is trained as a therapy dog, that’s great. If he’s a pet dog, especially if he’s anxious, you’re accidentally making it worse for him by making HIM LEAD YOU when he is NOT a born leader. It’s unfair. It’s unbalanced. And it’s likely the reason for all of “his” bad behaviours.
Tips on how to fulfill your dog’s basic needs and improve your relationship:
Master the walk. Teach your dog to follow you, not pull you down the street. Anxious whining is often resolved by simply fixing the way you walk your dog.
Walk him every day, multiple times per day.
Make this your mantra: YOU GET WHAT YOU PET. If you pet an anxious dog, you are encouraging that behaviour to continue. Pet your dog when you call him over and he comes respectfully without jumping or mouthing you.
Put away all of your dog’s toys. Take them out when YOU want to play with him. You start the game. You end the game. You’re in charge now.
Work on yourself. It takes work to be in any relationship, but the most important thing is your relationship with YOURSELF. If you can’t love and respect YOURSELF, no one else can either. Tell yourself YOU CAN, even when you don’t quite believe it yet. Stand up straight, shoulders back, and walk like you own the world. That’s the energy dogs like to follow. Be the change.
YOU’VE GOT THIS!
Turn up the volume on your dog knowledge. Make learning about dogs your top priority. You HAVE the time. Turn off your phone and your television and start watching all the dogs and people around you. Watch how they walk. Watch the leash biters, the reactive dogs, the dogs out for a drag (dragging their owners down the street.) Watch without judgement. Then go home and try steps 1-5 and let me know how it goes.
You CAN!
Alyssa
Photos by: Ivana La @ivanana (Corgi covered in foam hearts and lipstick stains,) Egor Vikhrev
@egor_vikhrev (man carrying backpack walking off into the sunset,) Eva Blue
@evablue (wolves out for a walk,) Eva Blue @evablue (wolves resting on the snow.)