You get what you pet (Photo: man’s hand petting a puppy - the puppy is biting his palm)
Have you heard the saying: You get what you pet?
It’s true.
One of the things my clients struggle with the most is not petting their dog when he’s exhibiting the very behaviours they called me to help resolve.
“He’s really anxious,” says one client, petting his dog who is whining with anxiety, scanning the street for dogs, and pulling on the leash.
“Did you know,” I ask, “that by petting him while he’s whining with anxiety, scouting for dogs, and pulling on the leash that you’re telling him to continue to do these behaviours?”
The truth is, most people don’t know this. I’ve watched people outside reading the newspaper absentmindedly petting their dogs as their dogs load (think fixate and build up tense energy) on other dogs who are approaching. The dogs go ballistic when the other dogs get too close —almost knocking the person out of their chair and sending their coffee spilling across their newspaper.
After the dogs pass by, they lean down and pet their dogs who are still extremely tense and glaring at the other dogs.
Not only did these people accidentally reward the dog for loading on the other dogs, they thanked them for it afterward.
If your dog looks like this after a dog walks by, do not accidentally reward him with petting and baby talk (Photo: German Shepherd biting snow that is flying toward his face)
People pet their dogs for all sorts of behaviours that they don’t want to see more of:
-jumping up on people
-being pushy and invading our space
-for being excited (which can lead to mouthing/biting)
-because they think they are calming the dog down
-when the dog is panting, pacing, whining in the car
-when the dog is staring intensely at your other dog, cat, or person
-when he’s pulling on the leash to get to something he wants (dog, squirrel, person)
-acting tense and staring at the person who just entered the house
-while their resource-guarding dog is eating a meal (and being stiff and tense)
-barking out the windows
Catch yourself the next time your hand reaches absentmindedly toward your dog and ask yourself:
what behaviour is he doing right now and do I want to see more of it?
If it’s not a behaviour you want to see more of, send your dog to place. Then you can wander away and go pet your cat instead.
Let me know how it goes in the comments. I would love to hear from you!
Alyssa
Photos by: Daniel Lincoln @danny_lincoln (man’s hand petting a puppy - the puppy is biting his palm,) Dustin Bowdige @dustinbowdige (German Shepherd biting snow that is flying toward his face,)